i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize