I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
