Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
