I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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