Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
