I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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