u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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