I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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