i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
