I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
