My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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