Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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