I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
