Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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