I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
