They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
