If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
