oh god the rape fog is back!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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