i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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