went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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