why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
