i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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