8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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