you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
