the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
