We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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