I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
