Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
