Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
