how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
