My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
