I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
