Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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