One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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