"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
