I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need a burrito and a hug.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
