Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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