come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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