have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
