sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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