Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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