The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
