I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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