I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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