Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
