i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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