dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
