Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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