is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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