Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I see more hoeing in ur future
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
