my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
