that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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