tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
