respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
