R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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