you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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