mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
