I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
