I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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