I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
