so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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