Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
